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If Literatures Complicated Men Were On Tinder

If Literatures Complicated Men Were On Tinder

by Sarah Chevallier

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Term: Holden Caulfield get older: 19 job: Jobs become for phonies who care about phony things like bills and food About Holden: merely finding everyday relationship, because everyones a phony except for me personally (clearly). Sidebar, Im maybe not completely sure phony indicates the thing I consider this means.

List: Heathcliff Years: Actually not a clue. Occupation: Mergers (with my enemies families) furthermore acquisitions (regarding wealth and happiness). About Heathcliff: Spent a number of years cultivating that #RevengeBody also #RevengeWealth, but now Im looking for a fantastic, gullible female to settle all the way down with, ideally a person who just is actually about my adversary, whom also simply is actually partnered to my personal youth buddy. You understand, for typical, entirely not nefarious reasons.

Perhaps not at this time within my loft being restrained with a real baseball and cycle.

Mention: Odysseus years: 38 career: King of Ithaca that is 100percent NOT having a midlife crisis About Odysseus: Im about that wanderlust lives: its concerning the journey, not the location, you are aware? Especially when the resort is full of responsibilities like governance, parenthood, and marriage to a female that is obviously smarter than me as she evades on the market like sexual chattel for a decade while I doof around banging haphazard witches and blinding one-eyed giants. Join myself regarding quest, child.

Label: Edward Rochester Age: 43 Profession: Affluent widower. Yep, Burbank escort the outdated ball and string is lifeless. Real dead. Maybe not currently inside my attic are controlled with a genuine golf ball and cycle. About Edward: trying to find a younger woman who’ll confuse my personal brooding appearances and condescending misanthropy for tragic torment, and essentially are into employer-employee roleplay. Added bonus if she likes kids however enough that shes put-off by just how mean i’m to my personal implemented child.

Name: winner Frankenstein years: 34 profession: Doctor, scientist About winner: searching for a partner whom offers my interest for the mysteries of life but could feel up for a persistent search to capture and destroy my personal older roommate from my weeks from the University of Ingolstadt. Feeling of adventure is essential, because we allow for any North Pole in a few days.

Title: Jay Gatsby era: How old would you like us to become lol Occupation: Influencer, Renaissance people About Jay: Im weirdly like him/her, but like a wonderfully wealthy and mystical version of your that you would not have dumped with no GODDAMN NEED originally, Daisy.

List: Rodion Raskolnikov years: 21 profession: pupil, Extraordinary Man which theoretically it could be totally ok if he simply slain a vintage woman, because I mean, hes extraordinary, however you see, simply theoretically please dont phone call which means that policeman who helps to keep snooping about. About Rodion: Im merely a better-than-regular chap seeking an almost angelically great girl with a tragic story that will with no good reason dedicate by herself to my personal redemption and is also really into hearing myself reciting my half-baked viewpoint 101 theories.

List: Jake Barnes Age: 31 Occupation: Expat, alcoholic About Jake: ultra manly. Surely, seriously, not really impotent. Truly into fishing and obsessing across intimate and sexual choices of a woman who is totally simply a buddy ( you learn, not an equal whos able to make her own alternatives, because of that really ladybrain). Above all: not Jewish.

Label: Hamlet years: 26 career: potential King of Denmark About Hamlet: parents is every little thing in my opinion. Like in, we wont others until we rip my loved ones, buddies, and maybe also my personal country aside according to a discussion I had using my dads ghost exactly how it is extremely GROSS that Mom and Uncle C are performing they, and he arranged its completely regular that Im thus fixated back at my mothers sex life. My last gf wasnt that comprehension, thus Im looking someone that will help myself inside hard time and wont bring a fucking cow each time I stab the woman father and vocally abuse the girl.

Name: Lucifer get older: Not Applicable Occupation: Ex-angel, independent opposing forces of God with his creation About Lucifer: I really developed internet dating, thus thank you for visiting Hell.

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